A Road Not Taken

“The Road Not Taken” (Robert Frost)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Psalm 121:7-8

“Don’t you think I would watch over you if this is what I have called [him] to do?” (God).

The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Lion of Judah

“If we let the Lion of Judah run loose as LORD of our lives, he will not want us to be poor, broken or sad. Yet he may allow it, knowing that in these conditions we are more likely to let him make us rich, whole and happy. If you let the real Jesus into your life, the God whose supreme desire is your happiness and fulfillment, you’ll want to throw out anything that is going to stop you from reaching his Kingdom” (Brennan Manning).

“For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listen to his cry for help” (Psalm 22:24)

God will give me the strength to prevail through trials that are to come.
My expectations of the work that He will do in me is exciting. God, fill me up!

Ten Commitments

Brennan Manning writes, “The law is for the unjust. The Spirit does not dwell within the unjust man, so he needs other laws to guide him. The commandments of God and the precepts of the Church make the sinner conscious of his sinfulness. The awareness of his miserable, unhappy existence leads him to grope for God. Thus, the purpose of external law is to lead the sinner to the internal law of love.”

I recently read an article by a Jewish philosopher, Michael Lerner, who writes the Ten Commitments rather than Ten Commandments. As a society we are fearful or tend to steer clear of “laws” and regulations because they act as a hindrance from our own, “deserved” freedom. However, community cannot be built upon “living for the moment”- we need a sense of responsibility, to acquire a sense of right and wrong, appropriate and not, and to take a stance against the suffering that wrong doings can cause.

What Lerner does is that he takes each commandment and first, becomes aware of the suffering that it can cause, then he makes a vow to himself to recognize the need for the right and then a form of action- something that he will do (action, words, service, prayer, etc) to bring on positive change. This ensures that he follows through with the specific “commitment”. By doing this, it makes the commandments personal. You are then changing something about your own lifestyle/daily habits that will benefit your own personal relationship with God as well as the community around you.

1. YHVH, God, the Power of Transformation and Healing, is the Ultimate Reality of the Universe and the Source of Transcendent Unity
Aware of the suffering caused by not acknowledging the ultimate Unity of All Being, I vow to recognize every human being as a manifestation of the Divine and to spend more time each day in awe and wonder at the grandeur of Creation.

Aware of the suffering that is caused when we unconsciously pass on to others the pain, cruelty, depression and despair that has been inflicted upon us, I vow to become conscious and then act upon all the possibilities for healing and transforming my own life and being involved in healing and transforming the larger world.

2. Idolatry
Aware of the suffering caused by taking existing social realities, economic security, ideologies, religious beliefs, national commitments, or the gratification of our current desires as the highest value, I vow to recognize only God as the ultimate, and to look at the universe and each part of my life as an evolving part of a larger Totality whose ultimate worth is measured by how close it brings us to God and to love of each other. To stay in touch with this reality, I vow to meditate each day for at least ten minutes and to contemplate the totality of the universe and my humble place in it.

3. Do not take God in Vain
Aware of the suffering caused by religious or spiritual fanaticism, I vow to be respectful of all religious traditions which preach love and respect for the Other, and to recognize that there are many possible paths to God. I vow to acknowledge that we as Jews are not better than others and our path is only one of the many ways that people have heard God’s voice. I vow to remain aware of the distortions in our own traditions, and the ways that I myself necessarily bring my own limitations to every encounter with the Divine. So I will practice spiritual humility. Yet I will enthusiastically advocate for what I find compelling in the Jewish tradition and encourage others to explore that which has moved me.

4. Observe the Sabbath
Aware of the suffering produced by excessive focus on “making it” and obtaining material satisfactions, I vow to regularly observe Shabbat (one 25 hour period each week in which we stop all connection with work, money, buying, dominating the world, and focus exclusively on celebration and joy at the grandeur of the universe) as a day in which I focus on celebrating the world rather than trying to control it or maximize my own advantage within it. I will build Shabbat with a community and enjoy loving connection with others. I will use some Shabbat time to renew my commitment to social justice and healing. I will also set aside significant amounts of time for inner spiritual development, personal renewal, reflection, and pleasure.

5. Honor your mother and father
Aware of the suffering caused by aging, disease, and death, I vow to provide care and support for my parents.

Aware that every parent has faults and has inflicted pain on their children, I vow to forgive my parents and to allow myself to see them as human beings with the same kinds of limitations as every other human being on the planet. And I vow to remember the moments of kindness and nurturance, and to let them play a larger role in my memory as I develop a sense of compassion for them and for myself.

6. Do not murder
Aware of the suffering caused by wars, environmental irresponsibility, and eruptions of violence, I vow to recognize the sanctify of life and not to passively participate in social practices that are destructive of the lives of others. I will resist the perpetrators of violence and oppression of others, the poisoners of our environment, and those who demean others or encourage acts of violence. Aware that much violence is the irrational and often self-destructive response to the absence of love and caring, I vow to show more loving and caring energy to everyone around me, to take the time to know others more deeply, and to struggle for a world which provides everyone with recognition and spiritual nourishment.

7. Do not engage in sexual exploitation
Aware of the suffering caused when people break their commitments of sexual loyalty to each other, and the suffering caused by using other people for our own sexual purposes, I vow to keep my commitments and to be fully honest and open in my sexual dealings with others, avoiding deceit or manipulation to obtain my own ends. I will rejoice in my body and the bodies of others, will treat them as embodiments of Divine energy, and will seek to enhance my own pleasure and the pleasure of others around me, joyfully celebrating sex as an opportunity for encounter with the holy. I will do all I can to prevent sexual abuse in adults and children, the spreading of sexually transmitted diseases, and the misuse of sexuality to further domination or control of others. I will respect the diversity of non-expletive sexual expression and lifestyles and will not seek to impose sexual orthodoxies on others.

8. Do not steal
Aware of the suffering caused by an unjust distribution of the world’s resources, exploitation, and theft, I vow to practice generosity, to share what I have, and to not keep anything that should belong to others while working for a wise use of the goods and services that are available. I will not horde what I have, and especially will not horde love. I will support a fairer redistribution of the wealth of the planet so that everyone has adequate material well-being, recognizing that contemporary global inequalities in wealth are often the resultant of colonialism, genocide, slavery, theft and the imposition of monetary and trade policies by the powerful on the powerless. In the meantime, I will do my best to support the homeless and others who are in need.

Aware that others sometimes contribute much energy to keeping this community functioning, I will give time and energy to the tasks of building the Tikkun community or some other community of people dedicated to healing and transforming the world, and, when possible, will donate generously of my financial resources and my talents and time.

9. Do not lie
Aware of the suffering caused by wrongful speech, I vow to cultivate a practice of holy speech in which my words are directed to increasing the love and caring in the world. I vow to avoid words that are misleading or manipulative, and avoid spreading stories that I do not know to be true, or which might cause unnecessary divisiveness or harm, and instead will use my speech to increase harmony, social justice, kindness, hopefulness, trust and solidarity. I will be generous in praise and support for others. To heighten my awareness of this commitment, I will dedicate one day a week to full and total holiness of words, refraining from any speech that day which does not hallow God’s name or bring joy to others.

10. Do not covet
Aware of the suffering caused by excessive consumption of the world’s resources, I vow to rejoice in what I have and to live a life of ethical consumption governed by a recognition that the world’s resources are already strained and by a desire to promote ecological sustainability and material modesty. I vow to see the success of others as an inspiration rather than as detracting from my own sufficiency and to cultivate in myself and others the sense that I have enough and that I am enough and that there is enough for everyone.

Preparation

Keep me safe from temptation (Mark 14:38; 1 Corinthians 10:13)
Steer me clear from any obstacle that will try to get in the way of what You are trying to show me (James 4:7)
Keep my heart protected from harm (Deuteronomy 31:8; Psalm 46:1)
Keep me focused on Your Truth and in the Word (John 14:6)
Keep my eyes fixed on You (Psalm 141)
Give me rest from my anxious heart and mind (Matthew 6:25-34; Phil 4:6-7)
Keep me from fear (1 John 4:18)
Give me Hope (Jeremiah 29:11)
Strengthen me with Wisdom (Proverbs 2)
Allow me to truly Live free from anything that binds me (Galatians 5:1)
Be my Lover and my Best Friend (John 15:15; 1 John 3:16)
Prepare me for what’s to come (2 Timothy 4:2)
Excite me for what’s to come (John 10:10)

Complete Joy

John the Baptist knew who he was and what he was called to be. As he states in John 3: “I am not the Messiah; I am sent before Him. It is the groom who has the bride. The grooms’ best man waits there, listening for him, and is overjoyed to hear his voice. That is my joy, and it is complete. He must increase, while I must decrease” (John 3:28-30).

John knew who he was… He knew that he couldn’t be anything other than what Christ wanted from him. That’s all he longed for, and all that he had desired. He allowed himself to be Jesus’, he gave his complete heart and life over to Him, allowing him to be used regardless of the hardships and difficulties that he would face because of it (in his case- death). I want to be able to embrace the life and the moment where I am at, with my whole heart, rather than anticipating the next step. I pray to be everything God wants me to be, at this moment, and to find complete joy in Him.

“It is I who give and take away”

Over the past week God has been showing me more of myself, and who I am in Him- individually. I have been praying for the ability to follow the will God has on my own life, and for the willingness to follow wherever He leads. He has been showing me glimpses of what’s to come, while He specifically prepares my heart for this year and the work He’s going to do. Last night brought a lot of revelation.

I took some time to write a letter to myself through the eyes of God:

“Focus on me. Your mind is constantly wandering to other things. Let them go. I’ll bring them back when I see necessary. As of now, they are not. Let them go. Seek for Me… please Me, strive for Me and My heart over others. You are accepted where you are and that’s all you need. You are accepted because of the Love I have for you. Now stop seeking them. You are striving to be of Me, and you are trying… now it has come to the time where you need to give Me complete control. You are a strong young woman, and I have blessed you accordingly, but don’t relish in that. It is I who give, and I can also take all of that away if it’s taken advantage of. Let me use you. But in order for me to do that, I need your complete heart. All of it.

As Jason leaves, there will be a huge part of yourself leaving as well. You are going to have to let Me fill it for you. Don’t run away, trying to be strong on your own, because it never turns out the way you or I want it to. You heart will be broken, but I can mend it. You will feel lonely, but I can fill your loneliness with joy. During this time I will be your Encourager, your Lover, your Best Friend, your Leader, Father, Savior and your Comforter- but only if you let Me. You have to open your heart to Me to allow Me to work in you. Encourage others, support and pray for Jason and be thankful (rather than envious) of the work that I am doing in him. Your time will come, but in this waiting period (which will last for a couple months or a few years- whenever I feel your time here in Westerville is done), you will have your chance. I promise you that.

For now, don’t look at the future. I have you where you are for a reason, and everyday you can be used. Don’t waste your time here only wishing you were somewhere else, because you are missing opportunities. My love needs to be shared everywhere not only in Africa and overseas. Realize that wouldn’t you? My Kingdom belongs to everyone who believes in Me, and there are people who I have called, who have yet to hear or follow Me. There is work for you to do here, and I will lead you to them. Just be willing to be used. I will break your heart for girls who are lost and who have fallen away, and I have called you to them with reason. You are capable of transforming lives because of the gifts I have given you, and the love that you have- that is My Love. Don’t forget that the LOVE that you have for people, is My Love. It is no longer and never has been yours. The love that you have for your family and the desperation that you have for them to know Me, is Mine. The love that you have for Jason is Mine… now let Me have the control. I can take it away if it’s taken advantage of. The love that you have for girls and women is Mine. I have broken your heart for them… now do something about it. Don’t take advantage of the passion and love I have given you-do something with it- or else it will no longer be yours.

Focus on Me and let go.
As hard as it will be, it will all work out better than you can imagine.
Trust in that and trust in Me.”

Pictures say limited words

“Hungry I come to You for I know, You satisfy”

I have gotten rather good at convincing myself.

I like to think that I am pursing God with my entire heart, and it’s something that I strive to do. However, somewhere in the process, I give up about 90% of my heart and that other 10% consumes me. What is that 10%? My own desires, my wants, needs, relationships, and mainly control. Okay, so maybe it’s more like 25%. That’s all I’m willing to admit. I like to consider myself as a Godly woman, a God-seeking woman, one who has God as a first priority. I want to live my life for Him, the goals that I have in life are because of Him, and I want to glorify Him in the work that I hope that He is planning for me. My life has changed because of the transformation God has done in my own life, I have lost friends and have gained more than I could ever imagine. I have questioned out of uncertainty, cried out and have sacrificed, receiving more than I deserve. I know this, and I want to live this out. I want others to see the passion that I have for Christ and His ultimate sacrifice, the life that He has given all of those who believe… but I have yet to do so completely.

God is constantly on my mind. I sometimes find myself speaking aloud to him in public, while I’m at work, in the shower or when I’m about to fall asleep, I bring Him up in many conversations, web-blogs, daily journaling and meditations, continually spending time with Him… however, I know that my complete heart has yet to be His. I have devoted my life and my future to Him, but I’m doing so half heartedly. Why has it taken me so long to realize this? I haven’t allowed Him to fulfill my desires, the way that He sees them to be filled. I haven’t given Him that control, and this has become aware to me over the past couple of days. I have made myself believe that I have given God all that I am, when really, I am only fooling myself, hiding the fact that I have been selfish in my relationship with Him. I am selfish by wanting control, but having comfort that I believe I can create and give myself through my own actions.

I say that my fulfillment is in Christ, when on the side I am filling myself with other things. I see myself as doing all of the right things, however, my heart hasn’t been in it, and that has taken its toll on me. Over the past few months, I feel as though I have become very insecure and have lost confidence in myself. I doubt my own capabilities and strengths, as if they are nothing and worthless. I have looked at myself in comparison to others, by what they are doing and how they are acting. There are friends who have just come back from being overseas, and those who are about to leave, when all I want to do is go overseas. However, I have had a strong sense that I need to stay where I am, regardless of my own desire to leave. I am constantly looking for a way out, trying to find a new perspective to life, a new hobby, a new idea, a new perspective, however, it always fails. It’s only when I go to Christ, that I am able to find the comfort and the security that I have been looking for… I find peace. My heart is restless and anxious, nervous and unsettled, and only when I give the desires that I have and the hopes that I have to God, I find peace.

“We recognize that Jesus responds to needs and desires that we long had, perhaps without being fully aware of them. He speaks to our innermost being, supplies our needs, satisfies our desires. In him the obscure is illuminated, the uncertain yields to the certain, insecurity is replaced by a deep sense of security. In him we find that we have come to understand many things that baffled us. The encounter with Jesus awakens us to possibilities we have never seen, and we know that this person is what we have been seeking” (Brennan Manning).

“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4)

Romans 10:8-15

“The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”